first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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