So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
