im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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