i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
