I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
