I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
