I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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