There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
