dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
