I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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