I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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