i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
