Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
