Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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