I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
