peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize