You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
