he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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