A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
being pregnant is like rehab
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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