the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
