in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
