It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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