I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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