I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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