what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
