Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
