its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
