Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
