i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
