The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
