Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
