Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
His hands were made for my vagina.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
