Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
