I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm always down for nudity.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
