also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
