I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
We were destined to go to rehab together
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
