I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
