We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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