Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Dignity is for republicans.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
