So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
