Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
