He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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