my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Text me some of your sweat
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
