ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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