Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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