so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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