So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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