I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Randomize
