Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
