y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
