come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
she looked like the before picture.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize