Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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