It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
