you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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