I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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