you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
