I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
