Little spoons don't ask big questions
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Randomize