i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
How external is "for external use only"?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
