Just fell off a train. Bad.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
