fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
