Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
