if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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